


Somewhere With You

by parkrstark



Category: Castle
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 08:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1893006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Javier knows is that the love of his life is gone...and he'll never be able to hold him close again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere With You

_The ironic thing about losing someone you love is that when you really just need space to sort everything out, everyone's down your back asking if your okay or giving their condolences and asking questions, but then when you desperately need help, no one is there to hear your shouts._

_How do I know? Just like where all other wisdom comes from; experience._

_The day started off like any other day, Kevin and I working our butts off (more like horsing around), but ended like a tragedy with blood spill._

_I held him as he took his last breath, I saw that look in eyes; pleading me to do something even though I was powerless. His last whispered "I love you" on my lips as I kissed his lips farewell for the last time._

_It wasn't the same. Work, home and anything else I might have done. I lost my best friend, my partner, my fiancé_ the love of my life.

_So why did everyone ask if I was okay?! Like them suddenly coming up to me and having the audacity to tell me they know what it's like._

_How the hell do they know what it's like to lose half your heart, to lose the man that filled your world with sunshine, to lose the sole reason to smile. They don't know what it's like to have_ Kevin Ryan _ripped from your life._

_I remember the nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night screaming for him to come back. Staring and swearing at his empty bedside._

_I was good at keeping it in. Everyone except Castle and Beckett thought I was learning to live with the wheels off. They knew I was in pain, but not this much._

_The 12th's therapist told me that writing down fun memories of Kevin and I would help. But in fact once I reread my list I felt worse._

_It just reminded me of something I wanted, but could no longer have. Something I had finally gotten my hands on to only have it stolen just as fast._

_I'm nothing without him. And when I close my eyes I see him and me together forever._

Beckett lifted her head after she the last sentence that was scribbled on the paper. She knew others were there; NYPD, medical officers and Captain Gates includes, but she didn't care that tears were now streaming down her face. 

She had just buried a brother six months ago and now she was being forced to bury another. 

He couldn't go on without the wheels, she didn't blame him because if she was in his position she probably would have taken her life too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the lyrics of Kenny Chesney's _Somewhere With You_
> 
>  
> 
> **_I can go out any night of the week, go home with anybody I need. But it's just a temporary high because when I close my eyes, I'm somewhere with you._**


End file.
